Hill Top

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April 10, 2012 Exercise, Motivation, Ramblings, Uncategorized

I sat with regret over not getting up that hill the second time and thought about what I needed to do mentally and physically to get myself to the top.  I played out how to change gears as the ride got steeper in my head, I visualized what it would look like at the top, I told myself that I was going to do it and do it soon.  I drove out to take a look and as my kids asked me to drive the car to the top, it was a struggle for the engine.  I got butterflies in my stomach at the very concept of cycling to the top.

Saturday morning, I loaded up the bike,  pulled up my bulky padded cycling shorts and set out with my kids and husband.   They dropped me at the bottom of the hill a little way down the road.  They would be waiting at the top.  My chain had come off of the bike, not realizing this until I climbed on to the bike and almost wiping out, I got greasy and then warmed up.  I was ready for my assent.  There it was in all it’s height and road bumps, rocky stream flowing beside it awaiting for me to fall into the cold water and skin my knees on the jagged rocks.  Sometimes my mind goes to the dark place.  I quickly pushed the negative thoughts out.  I pedaled, shifted, pedaled, shifted, shifted, shifted, then I felt the grab that I felt twice before.  I felt like my legs could not move.  Imagine trying to cycle through quicksand.  I was going to unclip, but I knew that only meant one thing; defeat.  My kids were standing up there cheering me on.  I couldn’t let them see me fail. I reminded myself that I hadn’t biked 13 miles and then attempted climbing the hill knowing that I had to ride 13 hilly miles back to my car.  I was just on this big hill.  I pushed as hard as I could, my heart pounding in my chest, throat, and head.  I was done.  I had made it to the top.  It was over very quickly and I was ecstatic. Read More →

New Things

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April 03, 2012 Exercise, Motivation, Ramblings, Uncategorized

I don’t know if the warm spring weather and sunshine are responsible for my more upbeat mood and increase in energy, but whatever it is, I am loving it.  I feel renewed and ready for more and more challenges.  I experienced and tried some new things this week and thought I would list them here.

1)  I went back to vinyassa flow yoga and noticed that even though I had not been to the class in a few months, I felt strong, more flexible, and went into more complex poses. Read More →

Ode To the Om

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March 28, 2012 Ramblings, Uncategorized

 

 

 

I attended a grief yoga workshop, Sunday afternoon.  I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I do know that I have never taken the time to deal with my grief over losing Brandi.  I filled my thoughts and time with one obsession after another including running.  When there was no more running then I kept trying to find something else to occupy my mind with and nothing was working.  I guess it’s true what they say, you can’t outrun your problems.  This was true for me.

Two and a half hours after sun salutations, chatarangas, talking, journaling, crying, and meditating I left that studio leaving a lot of internal crap in that room.  I have attempted meditation on several occasions and very rarely achieve the state of complete tranquility and peace, but sitting there with nothing but my thoughts, which usually consists of chocolate cravings, ideas of how to end world hunger,  how to create a sport top for busty women so they aren’t spilling cleavage into their faces during down dog or who The Bachelor should pick, but since the season is over and I was on an emotional mission,  I was able to reach a state of mind of just calm, aware, mellow, peaceful surrender.  My ADHD was on vacation, well for at least 15 minutes.

I was informed in class that  in yoga, the hips are considered the garbage disposal of the body, all of the crap gets dumped into the hips.  That includes stress, being off balance, inflammation and fatigue.  Well, isn’t that interesting?  I must include more hip opening exercises and meditation into my schedule.

If anyone is suffering loss, grief or major life changes, I would recommend this workshop: http://www.halfmoonyoga.net/

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.halfmoonyoga.net/

The Hill

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March 26, 2012 Exercise, Health, Ramblings, Training, Uncategorized

 

 

 

Well, folks, it is official.  My training ride distances are increasing with the help of some great guys.  As fearful as I was to take on rides with a group, my friend, David, whom will also be riding the 62 mile Tour de Cure with me encouraged me to take part.  Last week, we departed on our ride with Kevin and Chris from Sun & Ski Sports.  They took turns leading the ride while the other hung back and took a leisurely ride behind me.  I like the no man left behind approach because I would be the one left behind for sure.  We rode 20 miles and I was able to painfully tackle some decent sized hills.

Yesterday, Kevin and Jason from S&SS were there to lead the ride.  Only David and I showed.  We did an out and back ride that was about 26 miles.  At least that’s what I have been told.  My stupid app showed 35 miles, so it’s obviously off and needs a tweak.  I’m glad I was with a group because I would have been on this website and Facebook lying my pants off.  ”Yeah, look at me, everyone, I’m a big bad ass, I just biked 35 miles”. Read More →

Voices In My Head

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March 23, 2012 Diet, Exercise, Health, Ramblings, Uncategorized

I find myself not wanting to share or write a lot here when I don’t have anything inspiring to portray or if I feel the need to whine incessantly.   I’m not going to go into details over the past few weeks, I’m just going to quickly fill you in.

For four weeks, I was really down in the dumps to say the least.  I managed to gain 4.8 pounds during that time, but I did keep attending my Weight Watcher’s meetings and stepping on the scale even though I knew there would be a plus sign in front of whatever number would be written on my chart.  I didn’t miss workouts, but  I sure wasn’t missing any meals and managed to add a few meals throughout my days. Read More →

Howler

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March 15, 2012 Exercise, Health, Motivation, Ramblings, Uncategorized

It has been a while since I have written and I haven’t been posting many inspirational or motivating status updates on Twitter or Facebook because to put it very lightly, I haven’t been feeling very inspirational or motivating for a few weeks.  I’m struggling with some things, but I do feel compelled to write about my experience, today.

Forgive me while I back track a bit before getting to my point.  You all know how I tend to ramble.  A year ago while marathon training, I got that crappy news that I have bursitis in not one, but two hips and have been going from bad days to good days to bad days and on and on.  I have struggled over time not with just saying goodbye to running, but feeling like there is lack of compassion over my injury from some and my chronic painful condition and that  some people have the same expectations of me because of what I have accomplished in the past.  It does at times create a sense of being a failure or thinking that I am viewed as a failure.  For so long I feel at times that I have to give excuses of why I don’t do certain work outs or explaining how painful certain things are for me.  I know that I am the one viewing myself as a failure because there are times when I feel like my body and my metabolism are failing me in my quest to be healthy and reaching certain goals.  It is myself that has doubts, concerns, trust issues when it comes to my body.

I haven’t wanted to ride my bike with others especially with a new group recently because I don’t like the impending feeling of having to keep up with other cyclists or having to explain my injury or condition only to wonder if I am holding others back out of their pity for me or if they would find themselves annoyed with me and wonder why I bothered to go in the first place.  Not really the first impression you want to give to a new group of athletes.

Knowing that I have a 62 mile charity ride ahead of me in May, I am aware that I need to get on my bike.   I went out Sunday and rode solo.  It was a beautiful day and I rode 10.10 miles and felt pretty good.  I didn’t have too much discomfort in my hips, didn’t even have to ice them down afterwards.

Today, I got out on my bike and rode a little over 14 miles with quite a few hills.  I would see some of the longer hills coming and I told myself “my determination is bigger than this hill” and I kept repeating it over and over, sometimes out loud.  I have always said that exercise is not a time to be self-conscious.  I grunted, I moaned at times, I did what I had to do to get up those hills.   When I had finished riding the longest stretch of hills, I turned around (I had planned on riding farther, but the grass was being mowed, which made it hard to breathe deeply as needed and I had forgotten my snack at the car and I was starving) and as I rode down the hills at one point, I was so elated that I began to howl, so those of you that live along Split Log that was no coyote outside, it was me.

After having my snack, I rode another four miles and on the way back to my car as I pedaled away,  I realized that I cannot make people understand what I’m going through, I cannot make them be a little more compassionate about what they say to me, I cannot control how others view me.  What I CAN do is take pride in myself and what I CAN accomplish.  I think over the course of the year, I have forgotten that I am an athlete.  I have run races, I have reached goals, I have ridden long distances, I have finished a triathlon, I can ride a bike, I can walk, I can swim, I can lose weight.  I can keep inspring those that have been inspired by me in the past even if I’m having a bad time.

A thought came to me during my ride and it is this:  All that I was, all that I am, and all that I want to be have been forged together because they all represent strength, endurance, and perseverance.

Smooth Sabotage

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February 29, 2012 Diet, Health

I have discovered a way that I am sabotaging my weight loss efforts and wish I had this epiphany weeks ago.  I love making smoothies and love the way they taste and love getting in more produce.  If I have a smoothie for breakfast I am set for hours and it gets me through my workouts.  If I have one for lunch then I am screwing up my entire afternoon.  I think my mind doesn’t process that it’s a meal with protein, it just thinks that I had a drink.  I find myself by mid-afternoon snacking and not feeling satisfied.

I just came to this realization, today when I found myself snacking on grapes, Greek yogurt, a cereal bar, licking peanut butter off of a spoon, a cheese stick, and pineapple.  Then I went on to a big bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch, which I did not measure out along with milk.  Without measuring, I  cannot properly track points.  You may be saying to yourself  if that my binge eating doesn’t seem so bad, but when that is all you have in your house it’s still bingeing.  It’s still a loss of control, it’s still turning to food for a need other than just hunger. 

So, for now on, no more smoothies for lunch.  Real food, real chewing.

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